I was reading the paper the other day and I saw a picture of California kids hiding under a table holding onto its legs and covering their heads. I was afraid it had finally happened. California's economy had finally crashed and, being "too big to fail", the kids were hiding for cover as Ben Bernake was above them in a helicopter dropping piles of money onto them.
Then I looked closer and saw they were just doing an earthquake drill and they were chanting "drop, cover and hold on". No doubt this was a mantra borrowed from another disaster crisis plan, the one that John Edward's mistresses practice when he shows up at their front door.
California is, without question, a beautiful state and its nickname is "The Golden State", which most likely was adopted by someone looking down from an airplane during brush fire season.
The earthquake drill had nearly 7 million people involved, not only children but adults were doing it too. Bill Clinton read about this and got upset no one told him masses of grown women would be going down under tables and desks in unison. I can just imagine him thinking, "I wish we'd have moved to California instead of New York," and, "ah, to be president again," as he puffed on his cigar and looked nostalgically into the sky.
The state of California also leads the nation in foreclosures. But on the bright side, with the possibilities of earthquakes home owners can at least hope their home gets sucked up by the earth before they get sucked up by the banks. And maybe their insurance will even cover it...come to think of it that probably won't happen because the insurance companies like AIG gave up all their money in bonuses to their execs.
In the article on the earthquake drill it said that a seismologist crawled under a table along with a row of suited government officials. Now, I understand that they were doing this as a good example for the kids but it warms my heart to get the image of suited government officials hiding under a table. It would be better to hear they were hiding inside a ground hog hole or snuggled in a rat's nest (way more appropriate) but I'll take this image for now.
The earthquake drill was being done 2 days before the 20th anniversary of a major earthquake that hit the San Francisco region in 1989. But I'm guessing that earthquake was just karma for the area having elected Nancy Pelosi into office just 2 years before that. Maybe what the people of California really need to drill is electing officials who are actually from this planet and whose faces don't ooze botox when they feel they need to force a smile.
This whole earthquake drill thing was organized by a group called the Great California ShakeOut. While its actual intentions were very good in alerting people of the dangers of earthquakes, when a group of state senators saw the word ShakeOut they were sure it was another method of taxing people.
Californians have earthquakes, brush fires often followed by mudslides, one of the highest tax systems in the country, and a governor who has trouble speaking the language. In spite of it all, I have to admit, I still do like to visit whenever I can, but if they could give a schedule to those earthquakes I'd sure appreciate it.
Author Resource:-
Steve Yeich is a humor writer with over 25 years of experience. He has written jokes for numerous comedians who have performed on the Las Vegas strip, most notably Jay Leno and Joan Rivers. He has done various forms of script writing including for movies and TV. He has also written over 100 TV and radio commercials. To see more of his articles go to http://darnfunnyonline.com
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