I once heard someone refer to Britney Spears as a "slutty pig." It's not fair to malign someone's reputation without knowing them and I doubt this person had ever even talked to a pig so they shouldn't insult an entire species like that. Besides that, I really like bacon.
Additionally, to be technically accurate, one definition of a slut is a female dog. And what's wrong with dogs? I love dogs! Okay, not the same way I love bacon, so no one needs to call PETA.
But back to the pigs (and I don't mean Britney now). They really do get a bad rap. There is swine flu, pork laden bills in Congress, "greedy pig", "filthy pig", "disgusting pig", "eat like a pig", "don't hog all the food". It just doesn't seem fair.
Let's get to know some pigs personally and we may start to like them. We'll start by giving them names. Let's just pull some names out of a hat and...there we go , we'll call these pigs Bill and Hillary.
Bill: "I'm in the mood for some hot pig sex."
Hillary: (sighs deeply) "Well, okay I guess we could do that." (She thinks to herself - I guess we should have sex at least once so it I can have a baby pig and people won't suspect I married this pig just because he is the "King of the Pigs".) "Yeah, sure, Bill. I'll just need to get out of this pants suit first."
Bill: "Whoa, whoa, I didn't mean with you. I was going to get on that new social media thing called 'Oinker' and send out an 'oink' and see who I can find. Or maybe I'll just go down to the trough and meet some sweet little pig."
Hillary: (She slaps him) "You rotten pig."
Bill: "Hey, you knew what kind of pig I was when you married me. Anyway, we are both pigs so why don't we treat each other like the pigs we really are."
Hillary: (shrugs) "Works for me... What the heck, maybe I can piggyback onto you and someday be 'Queen of the Pigs.'"
Bill: "To tell you the truth Hillary, you sometimes rub pigs the wrong way. You may have to settle for 'Secretary of the Sty.'"
Hillary: "At least I'll still be an important pig."
Bill: "Yeah, whatever."
Okay, that may not be the best example of what pigs are really like. Let's pick another name out of a hat...hmm, an unusual name for a pig, Cher.
Cher: "What are you talking about, I'm not a pig, I'm a person, just because I believe in 'love, after love, after love, after love, after love,' doesn't make me a pig."
Ghost of Sonny butts in: "That's true, but she is a bitch, and that would make her more of dog ( also see definition of slut.)"
We're better off leaving that one alone.
Maybe we need to look at pigs from another angle. They live a very simple life, for example, they don't need health insurance. Health care to a pig is laying in the mud. Pigs don't have wars. If a pig gets mad at another pig, again, they lay in the mud. When a pig is looking for a really good time.... I know you are thinking about Britney Spears again, but that is not the answer, okay, maybe they'd go to her concert, but then they'd go lay in the mud after that.
Pigs really are wonderful animals and the most important thing to remember about them is that they make really great bacon.
Author Resource:-
Steve Yeich is a humor writer with over 25 years of experience. He has written jokes for numerous comedians who have performed on the Las Vegas strip, most notably Jay Leno and Joan Rivers. He has done various forms of script writing including for movies and TV. He has also written over 100 TV and radio commercials. To see more of his articles go to http://darnfunnyonline.com
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